Let this be a warning. . .

. . .to all television advertising producers: If you insist on forcing me to hear people chewing on your product, I will boycott that product for the rest of my days on this planet, and encourage all of my friends to do the same. I don't care if you're selling cereal, hamburgers, pudding, or dog food. I don't want to be an auditory witness to any stage of the digestive process.

Growing up, if I had eaten that way at the dinner table, I would have been given the treatment normally accorded to wayward mobsters by way of the Louisville Slugger. And with good reason.

So, if you know what's good for you, you will stop this noisome business.